Understand the Cycle of Violence
Why We Stay
SURVIVAL: Fear for myself and my children’s safety if I leave.
ECONOMIC DEPENDENCE:Can I survive on one income?
FEAR: Of being alone, fear that I cannot cope with home and children by myself.
PARENTING: Wanting the support of another parent for the children.
RELIGION: Pressure to keep the family together.
FAMILY: Extended family pressure to keep the family together.
LOYALTY: If my partner had cancer, I would stick by him/her.
RESCUE: If I stay, I can “save” my partner and help him/her “get better.”
FEAR OF HIS SUICIDE: Partner says he/she will kill her/him self if I leave.
DENIAL: “It’s really not so bad.”
LOVE: I love my partner, and he/she is quite often loving and lovable when he/she is not being abusive.
IDENTITY: Many people feel that they need a partner in order to be complete.
SHAME, EMBARRASSMENT AND HUMILIATION: I don’t want anyone to know.
LOW SELF-ESTEEM: After years of being criticized by my abuser, I believe that it must be my fault, I must deserve it, I will never find anyone better, “a little love is better than no love at all.”
SEX ROLE: “That’s just the way men/women are.”