HELPING OTHERS
A friend, teen, or child
Helping your CHILD
For children who are exposed to abusive situations at home, even as infants, the effects can be serious and long-lasting. They may have trouble concentrating and learning in school, have trouble with interpersonal relationships, and suffer from low self-esteem.
When a child’s environment is uncertain — or scary — the effects can carry over into problems such as teenage drug abuse, pregnancy, and/or abusive relationships. When kids have heard one parent being verbally or physically abused, they may think it was somehow their fault or may feel frightened and helpless to protect themselves or their parent. When one parent is abusing the other, there is always the fear (and the very real possibility) that it could happen to them.
YWCA offers support groups and counseling services for children and families, as well as a therapeutic preschool for children affected by trauma. We can also guide you to community organizations that offer other services, such as parenting classes, etc.
For information about ways you can help if your child has been exposed to violence at home, call our 24-hour Hotline at (707) 546-1234.
How to help a FRIEND
Listen without judging. Your friend may already feel embarrassed or responsible for the abuse. Keep the lines of communication open and build trust.
Let them know the abuse is not their fault. There is never an excuse for physical abuse, not drugs or alcohol, not a bad day at work, not stress. It’s not acceptable, and no one deserves to be treated that way.
Tell them that this is a common problem, probably much more common than they realize. This happens to women and men from all different backgrounds; any person can be vulnerable. It is rare that the situation will improve without outside help; most likely it will get worse. It’s OK to reach out for help — it’s not a sign of weakness but of strength.
Domestic violence is a crime. If your friend has been hit or physically assaulted in any way, they have the option to report the incidents to the police. Your friend can report the incident to the law enforcement agency in the city where the crime occurred, or to the Sheriff’s Department for those incidents taking place outside the city limits. There are advocates who can support them if they make the decision to report.
Talk about having a Safety Plan in place in case of an emergency. They may want to keep money, important documents, a change of clothes, and an extra set of keys in a safe place.
You can suggest your friend talk to someone at YWCA (707) 546-1234 if they are concerned about financial or legal issues, housing, safety, or have any other questions or concerns.
Recommend that your friend look at information on the internet like endabuse.org or theHotline.org which can help them evaluate the seriousness of their situation.
Unfortunately, teen dating violence is extremely common. As a parent, you may be concerned about behavior or signs you have observed which may indicate this could be happening to your child. Teens often spend much of their time communicating online, and there can be abusive communication happening through technology as well as in person. Threatening emails, constant texting, offensive chat room or social network postings, and monitoring by cell phone are forms of abuse if they are unwanted or unwelcome.
SOME WARNING SIGNS:
Isolation from friends and family
Personality changes
Change in grades
Emotional outbursts
Abuse of drugs and alcohol
Pregnancy
Unexplained injuries or bruises
Giving up an activity they love (chorus, sports, clubs, etc.)
Helping your TEEN
The behaviors listed above are possible indicators which may be a result of an abusive relationship. There could be other causes for these behaviors, but these concerns should not be ignored. Trust your instincts.
Having a conversation with your teen about these concerns can be delicate. Be aware of the timing of the conversation — try to find a time when things are calm and you can have uninterrupted privacy.
You may want to start with “I” statements, such as, “I have noticed that you seem to have stopped hanging out with some of your friends. Is everything OK?” or “ I’m concerned about your safety, I’ve heard you fighting with your boyfriend on the phone, can I help?”
It helps to have specific examples of things that concern you. It is very important that you are not judgmental or overly critical of your teen. Your objective is to help them, not to place blame.
Be a good role model with your own supportive, healthy relationships, and model the behavior you want them to repeat. Conflict is normal in relationships — if possible, demonstrate and give examples of constructive conflict resolution. You can guide your child to a website which is specifically designed for teens: loveisrespect.org
If you learn that your teen has been physically abused, you can consider getting a restraining order on their behalf or contacting law enforcement. If possible, you should try to guide them towards good decisions rather than forcing them to do something that they’ll resent. However, their safety is the most important consideration.
You can always contact our 24-hour Hotline at (707) 546-1234 to talk through your concerns. We’re here to help.